If you're single or have stepped into the pool of navigating modern dating dynamics, you know how hard it can get to identify if someone's genuinely interested in you or just saying the right things to get you hooked. It doesn't matter if you're involved with a 20-year-old or 30 year old or 45 year old, it seems like most people are still into games or not aware of what they want in their dating life, and they keep indulging in ghosting, love-bombing, hot and cold behaviour and situation-ships. And you could be more of an old-fashioned lover not understanding if you should play those games as well or hold on for 'the one', don't you dare deny it, we have all been there. So let me list down a few steps to identify if you're dating someone genuine or if it is too real.
The Vanishing Act vs. Consistent Presence: A Tale of Two Signals
Ghosting, the perennial bane of modern dating, contrasts sharply with authentic intent. If your connection is more Houdini than an earnest communicator, it's time to reassess. Genuine interest is often accompanied by consistent communication and a genuine effort to stay connected. Anyone genuinely interested in pursuing the connection with you exclusively will show up consistently even if they're stuck with the chaos in their life, because they will understand the need to be consistent to make you feel valued and appreciated. And you will need to match that energy just as consistently, that is how you grow the connection.
2. 3-month dating rule - Interact, observe and decide
Now this is tricky because there's no timeline to genuine feelings but the truth is, no one can pretend to be someone they're not for more than 3 months, so if they're showing up as loving, caring, authentic and available for you for the first 3 months and then slowly becoming indifferent, unavailable and non-accommodating to your needs or the connection, chances are they were not their true selves in the first 3 months and the way they're behaving now is how they truly are. And yes, it can be hurtful because it makes you feel insecure about yourself or what you could be doing wrong but with the right partner you wouldn't be this confused even after the initial 3 months. Now, I wouldn't say that don't feel anything for 3 months, rather I would say that interact freely, observe their actions and intent and after 3 months decide if you can see this person as the one you're willing to choose every day for a long long time.
3. Clear intent and not just words and actions
Surprise, surprise, it is no longer about just words or even actions, because nowadays even the players know that actions are needed to get someone hooked, but if you're seeking genuine connection, clear intent is the main factor, what do I mean by clear intent? Dating with the intent to marry or commit. This person will be clear from the start that if they're involved and invested in this, it can be 1 month, 2 months or 1 year or more but they're dating with the intent to commit or marry and they do understand that things can be rough on some days but they believe love and loyalty is a choice that one makes every day, they're not going get cold feet with the idea of exclusivity or meeting each other's friends or family. They will not be afraid to let you know that you both belong together and they would not want to risk what you have by not labelling the connection. Don't let them use their past or commitment issues or any immaturity as an excuse to not offer you the safety of something concrete that you deserve.
4. Value Alignment the absolute rule
Relationships are not just about physical attraction or even emotional attraction because sometimes you can wake up and not feel attracted to your partner physically or emotionally, there will be good days and there will be bad days, but when you know you're a person of high value and the person you're dating is of high value, both of you will not let go due to the bad days because your ego won't be higher than the respect you hold for each other. What do I mean by high value? It means you as a person know how to treat everyone with respect, honesty, loyalty, empathy, emotional availability with clear boundaries, emotional maturity and compassion. You're someone who lives by your words, meaning that you do what you say and you don't make promises you can't keep and you accept the person how they're but you know how to set boundaries and when to walk away from something that doesn't align with your values. You know how to consistently appreciate a good person with respect and loyalty over good times with random people (hookup culture).
5. Social Media can say it all too
If you have been involved for a while now but the person still hides you like a dirty secret, it is time to question if this person is happy to have you or just playing you like a fiddle. It is one thing to keep your relationship private because you're worried about evil eye or negative intent of people, it is another thing to hide it because they don't want their other situation-ships or flings or exes to know about your presence. You're not meant to be someone's secret. Like the saying goes, "it is okay to keep your relation private but not okay to keep it a secret"
I know some people can feel like 'the one' because of the sync you have with each other, the compatibility and everything you share. In those cases, they're either 'the one' till they're not or you both will find each other if it is meant to be. EITHER WAY, SURRENDER!
I am sure other rules apply in modern dating and feel free to write them down in comments but if you feel this helped, don't forget to like and share. Happy Dating!
Hope you find the one for you!
Love & Light,
Adrija Choudhury