If you have been heartbroken, you know how painful it can be to walk away, to walk away from the version of reality you had created in your head- you and your person, it just felt right, it felt magical and it felt like the one thing that truly mattered. And that's the thing, right? It's not just you in the connection, your person was in that vision yet you're left wondering, how could it not matter to your person, I mean, they're your person, how can it not matter?
You try to comprehend it, day and night, you try and try and somehow it never really sits well with you, you're left screaming within and sometimes out loud, you actually feel pain in your heart...when you think about how easily they walked away, possibly without a reason, an excuse. Maybe you saw the signs, maybe you felt it was about to happen intuitively, it still doesn't make it easier when it hits you like a truck, the pain never-ending.
And life becomes a little dark, doesn't it? It feels like a part of you died when they left or possibly ghosted you, how do you make your heart understand? How could you possibly make your vulnerable heart understand, and so it starts, the next phase. The guilt phase- you can't help but wonder what you could have done differently, you start coming up with a thousand reasons where you possibly went wrong or pushed them away, after all..it would be easier to understand why they left you heartbroken if you could figure out the reason. And when you fail to find your fault, you start to question if they're possibly in love with someone else, if they played you, if their intentions were ill. Our ego can be fragile and mixed with our emotional vulnerability, it's a ticking bomb.
I'm not going to tell you it's your wounded ego or abandonment issues making it hard to walk away, we all have issues and baggage that makes it hard to walk away. Yes, it will help you identify the trigger but it won't take away the pain you feel if you're heartbroken right now or if you felt heartbroken before, the pain doesn't go away.
You gave so much of yourself to the person, the love you had, your energy, your time, you gave everything you could and when someone could walk away from it without appreciating it, that pain doesn't go away and even though you understand the trigger, and you try to work on it, even though you understand that you possibly ignored the red flags or the signs, it doesn't make it easier. So, I'm going to help you with an assignment that my friend had suggested and it helped me so much with my heartbreak. Hope it helps you too.
You will need a small diary for it. On the first day :
Write everything you miss about this person, everything that made you fall for them deeply.
Write everything you feel this person loved about you and everything you believe made them fall for you.
Write what was working in the connection and helped you both bond with each other
Write what wasn't working in the connection and how it created fights or issues
Write a letter to them, about how you feel since they broke up, ghosted, or hurt you.
After you have completed these, answer the following questions without thinking about it at all :
Do you love (person's name) truly?
Does (person's name) make you effortlessly happy?
Do you see yourself married to (person's name)
Repeat this activity, every time with a fresh perspective on days when it feels too hard to let go or walk away from this connection. Burn the diary after 30 days.
This activity won't heal your heartbreak, but it will help you be there for yourself, it will help you understand that sometimes, it's not mistakes, it's not anything you did or they did. Sometimes connections don't work out and you did your best and the only thing you can do right now, give yourself time. Be kind to yourself, you need it. To be cliche, if they're the one for you, nothing and no-0ne can hold them back. If they're not the one for you, what makes you think you can force the connection without hurting yourself even more? Is that worth it?
No, walking away is not easy, so don't walk away, just sit down and work through it till you feel ready to walk away.
By,
Adrija